Outside the Camp

Today in my continued study of David's life, I paused on consider the briefly featured foreigner, Ittai the Gittite, who appears only twice, in 2 Samuel 15:19-22 and 18:2, and two parallel characters, Ruth and Elisha. 

Background: Absalom is marching into Jerusalem to overtake it, and David and his entourage are taking the walk of shame out of the city.

The king said to Ittai the Gittite, "Why are you also going with us? Go back and stay with the king since you're both a foreigner and an exile from your homeland. Besides, you only arrived yesterday; should I make you wander around with us today while I go wherever I can? Go back and take your brothers with you. May the LORD show you kindness and faithfulness." But in response, Ittai vowed to the king, "As surely as the LORD lives and as my lord the king lives, wherever my lord the king is, whether it means life or death, your servant will be there!" "March on," David replied to Ittai. So Ittai the Gittite marched past with all his men and the children who were with him. Everyone in the countryside was weeping loudly while all the people were marching past.

David reviewed his troops and appointed commanders of hundreds and of thousands over them. He then sent out hte troops, one third under Joab, one third under Joab's brother, Abishai son of Zeruiah, and one third under Ittai the Gittite.

CHOOSING LOYALTY-
David offered Ittai a comfortable out. "Go win favor under my son. Make a nice life for you and your people. Don't bother coming outonto a hard road with me- you've just finished a journey for goodness sake!" He knew Ittai had been exiled from Gath (for defecting to David, who had once served King Achish in pretense?), but Ittai refused to take it, and instead, offered a vow of incredible loyalty. Similar vows are those Ruth and Elisha offered Naomi and Elijah, respectively (Ruth 1:11-18; 2 Kings 2). Both Ruth and Elisha could have accepted the easy out as well- and perhaps without any sin on their parts (like Ruth's sister-in-law, Orpah, did), but their hearts were full of greater compassion and concern for their mentors/leaders than for themselves, and they were compelled by love to go with them no matter the cost.

BRAVING THE COSTS- 
Their choices hardly seem like sacrifices because they desired to be loyal, and, in so doing, they fully acknowledged the costs ahead of them. Ittai faced certain war and knew he would be subjecting his family and the families of his men that had journeyed with him from Gath to potential destruction. Ruth knew that leaving her home in Moab would mean a certain degree of isolation from the nation of Israel; she would be an outsider and would have to struggle to find a way to support not only herself but also her mother-in-law. Elisha traveled with Elijah from Gilgal to Bethel, Bethel to Jericho, and Jericho and the Jordan, continuing to prophecy with him and learn from him, I assume. At each location, prophets told him the discouraging news that Elijah would soon be taken from him, and he repeatedly told them to shut up. As Elijah's mentee, he'd already assumed the mantle of outsider, and was not going to lay it down for the world out of his love and respect for his teacher.
     Going outside the camp: 

Hebrews 13:11-13"For the bodies of those animals whose blood is brought into the holy of holies by the high priest as a sin offering are burned outside the camp. Therefore Jesus also suffered outside the gate, so that He might sanctify the people by His own blood. Let us then go to Him outside the camp, bearing His disgrace. For here we do not have an enduring city; instead, we seek the one to come."

1. David was forced "outside the camp"- away from his "City of David," Zion and the presence of the Ark of the Covenant. He walked a trail of tears- literally. People wept for him as he left; he was mocked and slightly stoned; and driven into the wilderness. He ascended the Mount of Olives crying. Sounds just a little like Jesus' walk to the cross. (Maybe Ittai could also be compared somewhat to Simon the Cyrene.) And Ittai and his people (foreigners!) bore that shame gladly with him. Ittai looked forward to the restoration of Israel to its rightful king.
2. Naomi was already "outside the camp" as she and her family had emigrated from Israel to Moab because of famine, but they return to the camp as foreigners who had lost everything and needed a kinsman redeemer to preserve their very lives. Ruth looked forward to a happier day for her mother-in-law and herself.
3. Elijah faced the partial isolation that is the lot of the traveling prophet of God, intermittently being hated and loved by the people because he spoke the truth. Elisha, by extension, accepted all that reputation's honor and disgrace. Elisha looked forward to being used for God like Elijah.

      Risking it All:
Like David, Naomi, and Elijah, God never compels us to follow against our will. He gives us the option to follow or to live in relative comfort, tending to ourselves. He doesn't tell us to go home and tend to our own needs; (Or maybe- if he does at all, he does so as a bit of a test to determine the extent of our faith. See his words to the Canaanite woman in Mark 7:27-30.) but he is upfront about the shame to be borne along his side:

Lk 9:23, 62 If anyone wants to come with Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lost it, but whoever loses his life because of Me will save it...No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God. 

Lk. 14:26-27, 33 If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters- yes, and even his own life- he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross an come after Me cannot be My disciple... In the same way, therefore, every one of you who does not say  good-bye to all his possessions cannot be My disciple. 

Jn. 15:18 If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me before it hated you...Remember the world I spoke  to you: 'A slave is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will also keep yours. But they will do all these things to you on account of My name, because they don't know the One who sent Me.

SEEING GLORY-
But what if Ittai had gone home? What if Ruth had remained in Moab or Elisha had stayed put like Elijah told him to? Their vows of loyalty won them glimpses of God's glory, treasures in heaven far greater than any comfort they could have received by tending to their own interests as they were encouraged to do. Ittai saw David's army defeat Absalom's and the kingdom restored to David. I'm sure he and his people were well rewarded also. Ruth won favor and a noble husband, bore a son that would father the line of David and Christ, had all her needs met, and saw- at long last- the bitter Naomi filled with joy. And Elisha- phew!- saw with his earthly eyes a firey chariot and heavenly horses descend to take Elijah away in a whirlwind, and then he received, as Elijah had promised him, a DOUBLE portion of Elijah's spirit. Had they not chosen to risk everything, this dramatic story-book material would not exists and we'd be left with a dull history. I love the drama and the FAITH and the reward, and how I want it for my life!                                     
   Leaning on the Promises:

Jn. 14:12-14 I assure you: The one who believes in Me will also do the works that I do. And he will do even greater works than these, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in My name, I will do it so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.

Ro. 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.

2 Cor. 3:7-18 Now if the ministry of death, chiseled in letters on stones, came with glory, so that the sons of Israel were not able to look directly at Moses' face because of the glory from his face- a fading glory- how will the ministry of the Spirit not be more glorious? For if the ministry of the condemnation had glory, the ministry of righteousness overflows with even more glory. In fact, what had been glorious is not glorious in this case because of the glory that surpasses it. For if what was fading away was glorious, what endures will be even more glorious. Therefore having such a  hope, we use great boldness- not like Moses, who used to put a veil over his face so that the sons of Israel could not look at the end of what was fading away. But their minds were closed...but whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. We all, with unveiled faces, are reflecting the glory of the the Lord and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory; this is from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Oh, Joab!

Mid-August, 2012. Wow. Once September 13th rolls around, I will have been in Wilmington a full year! But, I will save recapping time gone by for later. For the present, I thought it'd be fun to post a cool discovery I had the other while researching a curiosity about the relationships among King David, his politically savvy commander Joab, and his son, Absalom.

ENTER JOAB...

Now Joab is a really interesting character, to put the description kindly. Sometimes he's quite noble and loyal to David and at other times he leaves us to assume his only interests are his own. Often his good action will follow a bad, as if he were struggling to justify himself by clinging to a moral compass all his own. Here's some background before we pick up where I was reading in 2 Sam. 14.

The unfortunate man on the left is the noble Abner, commander of Saul's army, who had just committed himself to David's side to end the civil war between the two houses, and David had sent him home in peace and friendship. As you can see, he didn't make it. (2 Sam 3:26-30.) Joab actually killed him by striking him in the stomach, and he had the help of his brother Abishai, but you get the picture. The motivation? Abner had killed their brother Asahel in battle (fair and square.) Personally I prefer the visual characterization of Joab in the picture below:

David mourns Abner, but then things seem to fall out in David's favor. Two miscreants behead Saul's son, King Ish-bosheth, so David is anointed King over Israel, thus uniting the two nations. They defeat the Philistines and bring the Ark back to Jerusalem. Joab surely helped with that. David brings back his first wife, Michal from her second marriage. God makes his promise to David and grants him a string of military successes. Both Joab and David are kept busy...until David chooses not go out to battle one day, and we get the famous affair of chapter 11. 

Bathsheba just so happened to be the daughter of one of his fighting men and the granddaughter of Ahithophel, his adviser. (Thanks Francine Rivers for pointing out that factoid.) Most likely, she grew up traveling with his band of miscreants and was very familiar with his leadership. As if these close ties weren't sufficient enough to complicate the attraction, Bathsheba was married to Uriah the Hittie, a loyal friend to David and one of his warriors. She gets pregnant, David tries to cover it up, fails, and has Uriah murdered. 

Picture note- I never realized how many movie versions we have made of this crazy love story! I'd like to think the million evidences of grace within it have made it's popularity so enduring...well...indulge me.

Grace Point 1: God is not happy to say the least, but because of his promise to David to bring a king that will reign forever from him house, he forgives the sin and lets him live, though he sternly tells him his house will face the sword. And it does- both literally and metaphorically.

• 1ST BIG SWORD BLOW- One son down. Bathsheba's baby dies.

David repents, and Solomon is born. Meanwhile, Joab captures Rabah and threatens to take it over himself unless David gets his butt down there to claim it. He does.

Joab capturing Ramah's citadel.

(Don't you just love these lego pictures? Here's the original site, if you're interested.)

After a brief respite from sin's consequences, the sword falls again.

• 2ND BIG SWORD BLOW- Another son down. David and Ahinoam's son, Amnon, rapes David's daughter Tamar, daughter of Maacah (sister of Absalom). David is furious and mortified, but does nothing to avenge the wrong. Tamar takes refuge in Absalom's house and lives the rest of her days like a widow. Daughter down.

• 3RD BIG SWORD BLOW- Son in exile. Meanwhile, Absalom, taking the wrong as a personal injury, kills Amnon at a dinner party with all the king's son's in attendance and then escapes to live with his grandpa, King Talmai, of Geshur for three years. "And the spirit of the king longed to go out to Absalom..." (2 Sam. 13).

So, Joab noticed that David’s heart longed for Absalom and came up with a scheme. He hired the "wise woman" of Tekoa to present a crafty story to David in order to secure his order to return Absalom to the kingdom. 

My big question on reading this section was, “WHY would Joab go to such lengths?" So, we surmise….
1. Joab surely was fond of David after so many years- perhaps like a brother- and he admired him, but did not always agree with his judgments. He noticed how David’s heart pined for Absalom. Awwww. But that can’t be all.  2. He knew he was guilty of Abner's wrongful murder and thought perhaps by preventing political disaster with Absalom, he could begin to soften David's treatment toward himself. 3. He could sense the tone of the nation and wanted to avoid any ensuing turmoil for the sake of the nation and the ruling household. 

Joab concocts a story for the Wise woman to tell the king which goes something like this: “I’m a widow and I had two sons to carry on my husband’s name and care for me in my age. But, one of them killed the other! Now, the townspeople want to kill my remaining son in vengeance, but if they do, I will have nothing! Please help.” Then, before relating the story to Absalom, she secures the king’s word in a three-step process, which seems  to foreshadow Peters tri-fold denial and statement of love- (all of which are followed by a personal discovery- Peter’s facing of his guilt after the rooster crows, Peter’s hearing of how he will die, and in this case…well, we’ll get there.) David says, “I will issue a command on your behalf.” She presses further, he says, “If anyone gives you trouble, bring them directly to me.” She demands for him to swear by God’s name and he says, “As the LORD lives, not a hair of your son will fall to the ground.” David then hears from her mouth the parallel to his life. The woman argues that the guilty son in her story is Absalom. The stories don’t really add up- David had others heirs, she did not…. but she has already secured his pardon for the son by the name of God and piqued his emotional interest. She takes Absalom’s absence as a personal wrong against the nation, “For we will certainly die and be like water poured out on the ground, which can’t be recovered…I’ve come to the king to present this matter because the people have made me afraid…” Perhaps David was losing favor already or becoming disconnected with the sentiments of the people.  Perhaps he also hoped to pacify Absalom, whom he most likely knew could not react favorably toward the nation while in exile. 

Pause for a quick character question- Why did the people care so much about Absalom? There is nothing in the chapters beforehand to suggest he had any special connection with them. He makes no notable appeals to the people until he returns and steals their hearts by intercepting their needs at the gate before they could bring them before David. All we know about Absalom’s character is that it was not as noteworthy as his looks. 

He was handsome. 

In fact, he was extraordinarily handsome, as was the rest of his family.  His mother, Maacah was a princess of Geshur, a small nation landlocked by Israelite terrirtory, and was also very beautiful; His sister Tamar was beautiful, and his daughter, whom he names after his sister (perhaps showing his soft spot), was again- very beautiful. His hair was so lush that he had to shave it off every year because it got too heavy for him, and then he had it weighed. 5 pounds. That’s a lot of hair. So, perhaps his debonair looks won him the people’s hearts and made them feel personally wronged at his banishment. Maybe they judged his vengeance against Amnon justified. Maybe they wanted him to be cut some slack because he was just so darn cute. It would not be the first time men had made judgements based more on appearance. Even Samuel on his errand to anoint the king after Saul assumed one of David’s brothers would be God’s choice for their stature and look, and maybe David himself had a softer spot for Absalom because of his physical appearance. 

Whatever the case, the woman’s appeal, “God would not take away a life; He would devise plans so that the one banished from Him does not remain banished.” Has its effect and he gives the order for Joab to bring Absalom home. However, he places Absalom under house arrest- basically- as if to say, you’re home, but I haven’t forgotten what you did. "And Asalom did not see David’s face for two years." 

Grace Point 2- God’s love for the banished. We have all committed acts worthy of death, but God shows mercy, bringing us back from exile. Not because we deserved it. 

Absalom lives in pseudo house-arrest for two years and gets sick of it. I can understand this. He might have thought- “Go ahead and kill me for my wrong or grant me total pardon—this half-business isn’t cutting it. And, most likely he knew David wouldn’t kill him, so he makes his own plans to “make amends” with David. But, he needs Joab to intercede for him. He tries twice to contact Joab, but Joab “was unwilling to come.” (Hm….why?) Absalom’s response, Burn the Barley! A very Samson-like way to get attention…but it worked. 

So Joab acts as intermediary himself, and Absalom receives a kiss of pardon from the king. Joab as Christ prefigure! Who would have thought?

Grace Point 3- Absalom certainly didn’t deserve full pardon, not even the ½ pardon of house arrest. Yet, David granted it. How does Absalom react? He gathers an entourage and schemes to take over the kingdom. He goes to war with his dad. He takes advantage of the grace granted him and then later finds his judgment by the hand of the very one who interceded for him. Again, Joab as Christ figure- sort of.  And David still mourns for him. As little as Absalom deserved pity, David’s heart broke for his son, as God’s heart does for us. 

JUSTICE IS SERVED...

Joab murders Absalom while he hangs in a tree, his head caught in the branches.





Solomon becomes king, as God had promised. 

And Solomon pays back Joab for his murder of Abner...among other wrongs...by sending Benaniah to strike him down in the temple where he'd attempted to flee for refuge. 

Moral? 

Titus 2:12-14 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

John 8:11 Jesus to the adulterous woman, "Then neither do I condemn you. Go now, and leave your life of sin."

Romans 6:1-2 Should we continue in sin so that grace may multiply? Absolutely not! How can we who died to sin still live in it?

Luke 13:1-5 Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices. Jesus answered, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.”

David, Absalom and Joab…adultery, murder, backstabbing and after all is said and done...grace. 

Behavior Management

...something I am having to learn a lot about as a new teacher.  The other day, in one of our actually rather enjoyable pre-school workshops, the quotation of the day was,

"The more you pay attention to it, the more it increases." 

They showed one of the most hysterical videos I've ever seen: watch and ponder...What will you do for attention??

 

Ha! So, lesson is- the more I pay attention to negative behavior in my students, the worse it will get. Encourage the good behavior more- focus on it- don't neglect to correct the bad, but don't make it more than it is.

This got me thinking today about grace. Let me back up to last night to confess something. I have recently come to realize that, like most Western women of our age, I am afflicted with an over-sensitivity to my appearance and I have battled with myself for several years with trying to develop healthy habits- eat more healthily, lose weight, get more muscle tone without becoming obsessive. BUT I was always at war with myself- never satisfied with how I was in the present. Only looking back- (because I'm not as toned right now as I was a year ago and would like to be, let's just be honest)- do I see that I had no reason to not just be healthy and enjoy how I was. Anyhow- I think in focusing too much on the habits and the guilt I'd feel when I messed up in my discipline, I may have caused myself to develop a tendency of binging, which has been ongoing in waves for probably two years. I'm not talking eating two trays of brownies, but mindless, senseless eating that lasts beyond the point of getting full. Last night, (I've been trying not to eat at night, but last night I was up late, got hungry) I decided have a small snack that could have well satisfied the hunger had I let it settle and gone to sleep like I planned, but I went back to the kitchen to get a little more to eat- and then a little more, and I did this six times total until I finally felt full...and guilty. Oh boy. Guilt. And this lovely guilt cycle has overrun its course in my life. I am sick of it. I have focused on it- it has gotten worse. And now you know it. No use hiding it. Hopefully throwing it out there to the world like this will do good for someone with a similar struggle who reads this to know we are not intended to think or live in such an oppressive state of mind.

So why do I belabor my sin when God does not?  He firmly deals with negative behavior, yes, but he encourages the positive more. He is gracious. He is forgiving. He separates sin from the sinner as far as the east is from the west- so that, in his mind, the two never meet again (Ps.103)! As in the classroom, hope and encouragement produce better results than accusations or stating disappointment in student performance over and over. God does not accuse, but Satan is called "the accuser." PHEW--if I could replay for you the tracks that circulate in my head, you'd think the record would have broken by now. Our society sure doesn't help much either- goodness. Most of the people in this world lack easy access to necessities; corrupt social structures need to be reformed; love needs to be given, and here we are obsessing over the sacks of flesh our souls inhabit as if improving their looks will imbibe life into our souls. I'm so grateful we are meant for more- for life to the full- to re-gift the grace God gives so amply.

Jesus said to the woman at the well, "To him who believes in me I will give living water so that he will never thirst again." He let her know that he knew of her sin in having five "husbands" and living unlawfully with the most recent of them, but he didn't condemn her; he offered her something better. Something refreshing to drink-forever. I love the way she leaves that conversation- running back into the town to call out everyone she could to "come see the man who told me everything I ever did! He might just be the Messiah!" He called her to change, but he met her where she was- drawing water- going through the normal grind. He stopped to grant compassion. Our God- our perfect teacher- has set high expectations for us- for each of us- and he will help each student to rise to those expectations without lowering them for anyone. (Jn. 4)

I'd like to close with a reminder from Paul, who, like me, was really fed up with a "thorn in his flesh."

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor. 12:8-10).

I'm so grateful God has set me to work at CFCI so I can learn more about his nature. Maybe I'm destined to be a teacher after all- maybe at least until I fumble along long enough in the profession to  learn that He really does love me. Grace Grace Grace. It really is amazing. Thanks for reading. Please pray for me, that I may see and know and give God's grace abundantly.

Bring It, 2012!

January 3, 2012

Ring out the old, ring in the new,

Ring, happy bells, across the snow:

The year is going, let him go;

Ring out the false, ring in the true.

-Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

I think in terms of the day’s resolutions, not the year’s.

-Henry Moore

To My Dear Friends and Family,

The year began with the good news of my good friend from college, Ariana’s baptism- YAY, Piedmont!- and a three-week fast with the Athens congregation about all topics under the sun. In brief, I prayed for direction, the campus ministry prayed for depth, and my parents prayed for a home in the country.

From January to April, I worked as an intern with the Athens Church of Christ Campus Ministry and was in constant learning mode: learning better how to study the Bible with others, practicing sharing my faith with a variety of people, learning to lead other women, building closer friendships… It was a very special few months. To those of you who fought battles with me, prayed with me, gave your hearts to me- thank you. You know who you are. To Cathy, Whitney, Anna, Cali, Emma…I am so grateful we are now sisters. We had struggles and we saw victories, and I thank God that I was able – after college- to experience both as a part of a campus ministry.

During these months, the Sawhill family prepared our house of eight years for market, and I proceeded to clean out and pack my things for my inevitable though indiscriminate move out. My brother Jeff made plans to transfer to SCAD Atlanta to study animation, and Chris continued to plug away in Exercise and Sports Science at UGA. The house sold in May, and we moved into an apartment near to the mall in June.

April-July: I played Rosalind in As You Like It with the Rose Theatre of Athens, a truly wonderful company with a lot of heart. This show was a joy because the people were a joy- and to all of you- I miss you and hope we’ll get to work together again- or at very least further our acquaintance and conversations by what means we have.

July-August: We hosted the ICMC (International Campus Ministry Conference) “DEEPER” in Athens, and as I was a part of the planning and worship teams, I was honored to see the fruition of so many prayers and so much hard work when it “went off” with the power and impact only God can enact. I left with a yearning in my heart to discover what deeper step of faith God was calling me to take. Not even a month later, my year long prayer for a “strong leaning” about where to go was answered in the two minutes it took for the elders to announce intentions to plant a church in Wilmington, NC.

Meanwhile on the professional front, Byron Thompson finished editing my one-woman show, Last Nights of the King, which he had filmed at the end of 2010. With DVD in hand, deliberations began on how to proceed, and a whole host of amazingly supportive people from Athens to New York assisted with their thoughts and encouragement. I built a website (without knowing what I was getting into!), made writing plans for supplementary devotional material, printed business cards, and made plans to attend the 2011 Arts and Entertainment conference in Atlanta. I also drafted, with the considerable help of my parents, an itinerary for a month long trip through LA, New York, and Chicago (And also San Fran, costal Cali, and Eugene Oregon as it turned out), which I fondly nicknamed the “Tour for Vision.”

While traveling, I experienced God’s provision through people — particularly through the friendship of Jessica, my travel-buddy, and the hospitality I was honored to enjoy constantly. To all of you who took me in though I was a stranger to you and you to me, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You shared meals (and nice meals at that), free tours, gifts, and most importantly, your personalities, time, stories, knowledge and advice, and friendship. Counting it up, let’s see… I owe no less than thirty-two people my sincerest thanks for taking care of my physical needs and then a good twenty more at least for helping with everything else. I am truly very rich indeed.

Thank you also to all of you who shared in conversation with me in airports, subways, trains, and in other random locations or situations. It was interacting with you that made each day of my travels exciting, and I am very grateful that we are still in contact, even if that contact is only occasional. When I review the list I made of people I have met this year, I am dumbfounded as to why I should have been so privileged to meet so many and so varied persons willing to share themselves with me in return for however brief our time speaking may have been.

Less than two weeks after the Tour, I hopped in the car and drove to Wilmington to interview for a part-time musical theatre teaching job. I got the job that day and stayed, enjoying more hospitality — this time on account of Lindsey, Erika, and Olivia, the three college girls who have been the planting up to this point and who have set wonderful examples for everyone around them of what it means to love each other. The following weekend I moved into an apartment, and the long string of events that is learning a new place and getting established began to unfold in rapid succession. Despite the minor ups and downs associated with transition, I have never in my life seen God’s provision more clearly or felt more certain that I’m where I need to be at this particular time. For this I am very grateful.

I auditioned for a show again in mid September and was honored to be cast as Maria in Sound of Music with the Thalian Association. Now through teaching and the play, I’ve met quite a lot of people and am feeling a little more “established” in the sense that helps one be purposeful.

Back in GA my parents bought the farmhouse (!!!) and moved in right before Thanksgiving, we believe in response to a prayer from the beginning of the year that we would all be in the house for the holiday. By Christmas most of the boxes were unpacked and the settling into had more thoroughly begun. The joy and peace the country brings my parents makes me so happy. And it’s no downer to now come home to pretty land under starry skies for family times, either! The Sawhills moved a total of seven times this year- including my brothers’ moves- and I think that’s a record for us we’re all hoping not to top.

And the good news continues, but this letter is intended for brevity (“Ah, well,” she says 3 pages later…) Suffice it to say, God is alive, moving, and increasing the faith of those who ask! 2012 is going to be quite a year, and I’m excited.

Thanks again to you all for being a part of my life. I pray the New Year brings new life, new conviction, new purpose, new perspective, and new vision to all of us.

With love,

Katie

Good Things

If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in Heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Matt. 7:11)

One of the many things God is teaching me right now as I embark on my life in Wilmington, NC- for however long he wills it- is that God really does mean for me to delight in him. And he hears the littlest of my prayers and even answers them "yes" far more often than I expect or think he should. Sometimes my requests seem silly to me- or maybe superfluous would be the better word- but then God will answer them somehow as I had only dared to hope he would, and I think he does it just to make me smile. He wants to remind me that He is all powerful, that He does not "reward" me based on my good behavior, but gives to me to increase my faith and to increase my reasons to praise him in everything I say and do so that he will be glorified all the more. He gives to me so that I will take delight in him just as he tells me he takes delight in me.

Even typing this last paragraph shows me how little I understand God's nature, and in that lack of understanding, I'm helped to see the enormity of God's love as Paul describes in Ephesians- "high, wide, long deep, immeasurable, beyond understanding..." and to desire to better know the gift so eagerly and lavishly given to me.

So, here's the fun part- the little things (and a few big ones) that God's done recently to make me smile- at least some of them. I hope they make you smile, too.

1. The Girls
Olivia, Erika and Lindsey have developed something so special during their time in Wilmington- love for each other that really stands out. I am so impressed with these girls and grateful for how God is moving and has been moving in their lives. They are all a part of separate households- but their love for one another is profoundly effecting their roomies and friends. We are currently planning a study with two of those friends for this coming Tuesday. Please pray for these girls!

Some of the UNCW Bible Talk (from left to right) Katie, Genevieve, Erika, Lindsey, Olivia, Me, and Alexis- who we are praying will join us in the fall as a freshman!

2. The Job that Brought me to Wilmington-

God has given me a great part time job that is in my field and is stretching my character! I'm teaching musical theatre two blocks a day at the Cape Fear Center for Inquiry and I'm learning classroom management- among other things. The clip is of some choreography the kids made up.

2. A BED-
After spending a few nights on Lindsey's very comfy couch I was feeling the need for a space of my own to start lesson planning not in the main room of a college girls' house where late night movies are watched and good times had. I had not been sleeping much at all for the all the thoughts racing in my head, and I was already in a sleep deficit from my unusual all-nighter that I pulled to complete my job application and the 8 hour road trip. Add to that an urgent need to stay elsewhere because of roomies' friends coming in from out of town and Olivia and Erika being unable to house me for my first Wilmington weekend- and you get a girl so tired she can barely think, but who is still really happy and grateful and eager to see God pull through with some solution for weekend living.
God provided yet again extravagantly. Olivia suggested I call Jeff Reynolds, the preacher at Jacksonville, to see if I could stay with someone from that congregation for the weekend. He immediately thinks of one of the single sisters, Michelle, whom his wife, Isabel, gets on the phone to call. When Michelle answers, Isabel is shocked to find out that Michelle is currently on her way to Wilmington already to do some once-a-month errands!

She passes on the number to me and a few hours later, Michelle picks me up from Lindsey's and takes me to stay with her at her place- where I have a room- and a BED all to myself and a full Saturday to pray and plan my first lessons. WOW. It was great- and the conversation and prayer with Michelle was even better. What a joy new relationships are. And, I did sleep, by the way!




2. The Sound of Music-
The girl in the middle of the video, Lily, asked me if I would be auditioning for the role of Maria in the Thalian Association's upcoming production of Sound of Music. I hadn't heard about the auditions at that point, and I was doubtful that I'd be cast if I auditioned because Maria is a strong mezzo role, and I consider myself a low alto. But, I went to auditions eager to meet people in the community and hoping to at least be cast as a nun so I could start reaching out in the community. The audition was not great- and I'm not just being self-critical here. The song was OK but my focus shifted, I wasn't sure what I was doing with my hands, and I had to repeat some lyrics because I sang the wrong phrase the first time around. But they called me back.

While at auditions I met a new friend- Alyssa- who is recently married to a marine and located in Jacksonville, where the girls and I commute to church for now. We hit it off pretty well and she came over for dinner the night of callbacks and afterward we got ice cream together. I'm looking forward to continuing to build a friendship.

 Callbacks went really well until we got to the singing portion...Let me just say..."The Lonely Goatherd" aka "The really high yodeling song that Julie Andrews makes sound so easy..." Yeah. My throat was really dry at this point and some of those notes didn't come close to coming out- and this is in the lower key of the Mary Martin version. Lonely Goatherd- Move Version  Alyssa and I left not sure what the director, sm, and producer were thinking.

Deborah, the director, called me the next day to offer me the part. I was surprised- but very excited! And here's the big smile...Maria and I are very similar- at least in this stage of my life. She was in a major transition,figuring out God's direction for her life, finding herself teaching music to some fun and slightly crazy kids, and retreating to nature to have time with God and to find clarity. Like Maria, I'm a mountain girl, but here I am at the beach. Happy to be for now- but it's a very different sort of charm. Today in rehearsal we blocked the famous title song and Deborah instructed me to envision the hills all around me, and I just thought, "huh...God's giving me mountains. Even though they aren't real, I am now required to think about and envision the mountains several days a week until mid December." Why wouldn't God provide what helps me so much to draw near to him?

3. My apartment-
After applying for, getting and starting my job and looking for an apartment in the space of one week, I was able- thanks to my parents- to take over a lease that someone was breaking. They needed an immediate move in, so move in I did- while the power was still off and all I had was my suitcase and a couple boxes of teaching supplies. I was so happy to be in my own place where I could work on lesson plans and not be a burden to the college girls. The day I moved in, I prayed that God would provide something for me to sleep on- and he did. The guy who was moving out of the apartment just happened to have an air mattress in the back of his car. Now, ironically, he didn't have a cap for it, so I tried unsuccessfully to concoct a plug and then went out to buy silly puddy to do the trick. It did for a bit, but stretched out eventually, letting the air out with a high pitched squeak. It was not the most peaceful first night in my place that I had anticipated, but God did provide me with something to sleep on, even though it was completely flat after a couple hours.

4. The Ladder-
There's a great nook in my loft that I saw upon move in and really wanted to utilize but needed a ladder in order to do so. I was not going to buy one, so I half-prayed, "God, it would be so cool to have a ladder so I could use that space for quiet times." Lo and behold what I found a week later in the dumpster!

5. A Local Art Show-
I've been starting to peruse the local arts magazine regularly for updates on theatre, music, art, etc... and ran across a call for artwork for a local show at the health food store, Carolina Farmin'. The themes for the show were farming, baking, and anything to do with the Cape Fear area. I just happened to have some photography that fit the bill, so I ordered some prints from Walmart and put together the following and three other pieces (which I forgot to take pictures of...sorry).

I sent in my application with the fee on the day it was due, but was informed the next day that the slots had been filled. I had only created the above and one other at this point. But a couple days later, I get an email from the coordinator saying that she really liked my work, an artist had dropped out, and she could squeeze me in. Wohoo! Now I had to finish those other two pieces...

But, as I was doing all this in a bit of a rush, I forgot to read the fine print that said all the works had to be framed. As you can see, the above...well... isn't quite. I was going for rustic and rough...and economical. :) My other pieces were framed to a passable extent- one is a picture of a rustic cabin mounted on a fabric covered canvas, one a bit of a shadow box with old-looking pictures of the beach and the pier set into 1/2 of a resume box covered with muslin, and the last is duo of pumpkin pictures in the only legitimate frame I had.

So, I assumed this piece, the one that was the most related to farming and the one with the images that had caused the show coordinator to take me last minute- wasn't going to make the wall. When we were pulling them out of my trunk, her first thought was- "Yes, let's leave that one because it's not framed" but then..."But I just love those pictures, so let's bring it in anyway..." Yay! And then she put it on the table while figuring out where to hang it an the marketing lady came over and said, "Ooh, I love the way that's one's matted." Yay again! Such a small thing...but a nice thing to smile about.

And that doesn't even begin to cover everything exciting that's been happening...meeting strangers who suddenly want to hang out, drive with you to a neighboring town and have lunch- and pay for you because it was recently your birthday and then follow your blog and meet your church family in Fayetteville where they're from..

..getting to know the community and finding out about the needs of the area...running into someone who used to be a part of our immediate fellowship in the 80's and knows a bunch of people you know but thought we'd died out- and getting to fill her in a little...oh! and getting to look forward to living with the amazing and talented Liz Carter (below)

 and her German Shepherd/Australian Cattle Dog Mix in one of the two apt. complexes in Wilmington that will take that breed- that just so happens to be 2 minutes from work, have a fitness center and provide laundry facilities in each apt- all for much less. Can you say, "sweet! and why on earth do I deserve this??" Oh yeah...that's right! I don't! God just loves me, and for some reason beyond my grasp, he's choosing to lay things out before me very smoothly at the moment. I'm sure that won't always be the case, so I will do my best to remember all these things now for whatever more complicated and tough times will surely come in the future, but wow is it exciting for the time being!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who prayed for me to get here, for my job interview, for housing to work out, etc...etc..., to all of you who are praying for Wilmington and for God's Word to do its powerful work here. Please continue to pray. We desperately need your prayers. I NEED YOUR PRAYERS. And I am growing daily more convinced of God working through prayer- so please, continue faithfully extending your requests to God for us. Thank you.

Grace and Different Relationships

I have a dear friend (you know who you are) who often hesitates to divulge her life issues with others, feeling they would burden those who hear. I have felt the same way before with people I knew little or with whom I was not entirely comfortable. But as she and I talked, I had such a desire for her not to feel this way- for her to feel at ease and safe, for her to see that I want to know about her life because I care about her.
Then, a comparison came into mind courtesy of my mother that, in turn, taught both my friend and I a lesson about God. 


I related to my friend how my mom and I will have these great late-night talks that begin with a "goodnight" and then go on for over an hour. Most often, these conversations consist of me rambling, jumping from subject to subject, asking for advice and help to figure out my thinking, etc..., etc... I imagine sometimes these talks are a lot to bear for her, especially as they usually contain material for many lengthy conversations bound up into one tangled package. However, I never feel as if I am burdening my mother during these talks because I know she wants to hear and help. She wants to be close to me and to know the goings on of my life. In short- I have no reason to doubt her love for me. Then the realization hit me that I want my friend to feel the same about my love for her. To trust in it and have no reason to doubt it.


Because of my trust in my mom's love, I can approach her with confidence instead of in fear that she would reject me, chastise me, or worse- laugh at me (in a negative way). Is it not in the same way that God desires that I "draw near" him "with true heart and full assurance of faith" (Heb. 10:22)? As John reminds us, "There is no fear in love, for perfect love drives out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love" (1 Jn. 4:18). Since "punishment for our peace was on Him, and we are healed by His wounds" (Is. 53:5), those who are in Christ are truly perfected before God, and their fears eradicated. So, I need never feel like I am burdening God because there is no greater burden I can put on him than that which he has already born upon the cross. Grace...confidence in justification. The absence of fear. Praise God.


Truly, my love for my friend, though great in my eyes, is very dim in comparison to God's. It will fail her because it is spotted with sin. Yet, because we both are accountable to God to love each other, we still have no reason to doubt each others' love, since God will continually call us back to the standard our LORD has set down for us. "Do not owe anyone anything, except to love one another, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law" (Rom. 13:8). Another grace! The ability to love and trust other humans because our greater trust and love is first in God. (Isn't it because of fear that the world teaches we can't trust anyone??? HA! God provides a way out! Amen.)

So to my brothers and sisters- you have my love forever because God will forever be teaching me how to love. ("About brotherly love: you don't need me to write you because you yourselves are taught by God to love one another" 1 Thes. 4:9). And since I know He is doing the same for you, our "love will cover over a MULTITUDE of sins" (1 Peter 4:8) and we will be able to bear one another's burdens while Jesus provides the strength. What a joy and triumph over the world!

An Exercise in Futility

It is now the beginning of July and, boy, did May and June pass quickly! I am now running headlong into the most truly transitional time in my life I've ever experienced: closing the chapter of my life in Athens with the International Campus Ministry Conference next week, planning trips to the big cities of NYC, LA, Chicago, and maybe a couple others, and making the necessary arrangements to move forward with the marketing of my one-woman show and myself. (I hate the way that sounds, but so is the case in acting.)

I have not posted in a couple months because I haven't felt very aware of grace- or perhaps I just wasn't quite able to sit down and reflect on it. Whatever the case, nothing struck me I felt was insightful enough to blog until last night during a long conversation with a close friend. (It's those spontaneous heart to hearts that are the most special times- is it not?) I'm amazed by how much one can learn about oneself through listening to the questions, insights, fears, and hopes of another. Sometimes his or her present state resonates with your own, sometimes it reminds you of where you have been and how far you have come; sometimes it presents a challenge for where you'd like to be- or rather who. And maybe sometimes, if you're lucky, you'll experience a bit of all these, and for a brief few moments mental clouds give way to a perspective as clear as bright, expansive skies, and suddenly its rays of light show all of life's issues for the little things they really are. But before I divulge the nature of that glorious little moment I had, however, let me explain my state leading up to it.

About a week back I was overwhelmed again. The play (As You Like It) had finished, but now there remained to me no excuse for putting off the inevitable and varied life decisions and responsibilities I've been needing to make. My thinking was somewhat as follows: "Now I've got all these people to keep reaching out to and friendships to maintain. How do I not spread myself too thin? And then there's everything I need to do with Last Nights of the King and the ICMC and planning trips and a move and my parents are moving and I need to spend time with so and so and oh! I forgot about so and so over here and don't forget about those bigger subjects I'm wanting to study out and I need to get myself on a good track health-wise because I'm feeling irregular with my habits which makes me feel insecure and. then there's this stuff to journal about and confess.. and...and..." So then I stumbled across a brilliant idea that I was certain would help me find my way through the Spaghetti Junction of thought streams in my mind: I would draw out a large spider chart of all the subjects and sub-subjects and I would use old calendar pages and construction paper to at least make it pretty. I'd write out ministry thoughts in one color, professional stuff in another, random things to do in another, health in another, and so on and so forth. Sounds great, doesn't it! Thanks all you high school administrators who harped on and on about graphic organizers for preparing me to take on this exercise in knowing and understanding myself, an exercise in learning how to move forward in my life when my mind is full, and- as I'm sure you may have guessed by now- an exercise in futility! HA! If ever you desire to feel overwhelmed by all the goings on in your own life- by all means- try to write down every detail and separate them into nice, neat little categories, color-coded and taped to a pretty picture you intended to sooth you. I worked steadily at it for about 45 minutes before bed one night, then when my eyes tired, tossed it to the side and told myself I'd finish it the following day. I toted it around with that intention for two or three days until finally throwing the thing away convinced the effort had done nothing to help me. My mom laughed when I told her about it and gave her advice- which is always simpler and better than the intricately grandiose schemes I concoct- "Take one day at a time and focus on one thing. Why make life harder for yourself than it needs to be?" *Sigh* Thank you, Mommy. Thinking I can make headway in every area of my life at one time is foolish- impractical at best, whereas applying focused effort in one area usually produces better results that then tend to spill over into other areas- seeing as- in one way or another- they are all connected anyhow.

Ah  my. Grace teaches us to laugh at ourselves.

So...onto the heart to heart revelation. My dear friend was explaining her own feelings of being overwhelmed- the pressure of feeling like she needed to simultaneously tackle every facet of her life she is learning needs to change or expand. Unconsciously the truth of my mother's words (which are really the words of Mat. 6:36- Do not worry about tomorrow for each day has enough trouble of its own) began to come out in my counsel. As we talked, the following thoughts became evermore clear: The more we grow and learn, the more we see how broken we are, how guilty we are, how little we deserve, how little we actually understand. In general, my understanding of myself now is much more sober than it was even a year ago. Yet, if I were to focus on the vastness of my ineptitude or my insufficiency- my weakness- and take the burden of making up for it upon myself, the burden would become greater and greater every year. I would be striving for the impossible goal of making myself perfect to earn the praise of my God- or of myself and others as the case may be. But if instead, I am able to embrace the grace that makes up for my growing weakness, then I will see that the grace- and therefore the humility- will also grow greater and greater each year. So- to say it again- if my knowledge of my weakness is growing constantly then so can too, either my guilt or my freedom. Maybe now I have finally begun to glimpse what it means to "grow in the grace" (2 Peter 3:18). Paul, for example, became less and less in his own mind over time (from "the least of the apostles" to "the least of the saints" to "the worst of sinners") yet was increasingly empowered to do God's work.
So, I'm left with no other conclusion but that these times in which I get overwhelmed are the greatest of opportunities to learn about God's grace!  In them I get to glimpse- just a little bit- of how great is God's patience with me, his power to fix things, his mercy to forgive me and still use me for his purposes. What a relief. What a treasure worth sharing.
Praise God life goes on, and the life he gives is to the full.

Parting thought: Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you... (1 Thes. 5:16-18).